I Don’t Text Back: Entry 02
Well, I’m back and much like my texting, I never promised consistency. If you’re new here, hello! This is a blog about books, writing, social anxieties, general musings and well, everything I would talk about if I actually texted back.
This week I’ve combined my musings and observations with my thoughts on a book, because they’re pretty much the same for me. Enjoy!
Musings, Observations & Thoughts on a Book
“She put her disappointments in a lockbox in the back of her mind and lived in the moment, which is all anybody has for sure.”
—Isabel Wilkerson
Last week I blew off my bookclub book to finish reading “The Warmth of Other Suns,” by Isabel Wilkerson. I’d been reading it off and on since last winter, but as bookish people often do, I got distracted along the way. But alas, I returned and the book has me thinking a lot about the people who choose to return home — in this case to the South.
Wilkerson’s book traces the Great Migration and follows the lives of three people who migrated to New York, Chicago and California. Though none of them ever returned home for good, Ms. Wilkerson found it wasn’t uncommon for Black Southerns to eventually return to the South in their old age. Some of their children even trickled back when they were grown, seeking a different life than what they found in their respective cities.
Since leaving New York I’ve had countless people ask me why I moved back to North Carolina. The simple answer is life just feels easier down here. I realize it’s a privilege to be able to say that (it certainly wasn’t the case just 50 years ago), but it truly does. The other answer? I realized I value being near my family much more than the fear of falling out of favor with a city that promises so much.
I moved back home with the assurance that I no longer needed the pedestal that the city provides. As any person who leaves the South for a big city, I was attracted to New York by the freedom of anonymity and the independence that comes with living in such a large place. But I’ve grown enough to know that geography is not what determines success. I promise you this is not my “Goodbye to All That” essay. A 500 plus page book just gives you a lot of time to reflect.
I’m also convinced that reading “The Warmth of Other Suns," helped me in my work this month as I wrapped up my reporting on generational wealth and the Tulsa Massacre. I channeled my inner Isabel Wilkerson in shaping the narrative.
I also thought a lot about what it would be like to actually sit down and write a 500 page book. Does one actually sit down with the intentions of doing so? (Well maybe Robert Caro does). Did Ms. Wilkerson just start writing and find that she couldn’t stop? She was probably one of those students who wrote past the suggested page limit in college while the rest of her peers increased their font sizes and spacing to get just one word across the minimum page finish line.
A friend and I joked a couple weeks ago that we should write the Black suburban version of the tale one day. Though I must admit, I’m not sure what else needs to be added to that narrative at this point. But then again, who’s to say it couldn’t be a good read. Writers always say to write what you know. But what happens when what you know is a narrative of success that was given to you? Something to think about.
Thoughts on You
Anyone who knows me knows that I am obsessed with podcasts. My favorite listen of the week was Okay, Now Listen with Sylvia Obell and Scottie Beam. A listener wrote in to ask if the hosts could offer advice for dealing with poor communicators and whether or not they thought someone saying “I’m just a bad texter,” is a good enough excuse. I, of course, wanted to scream ‘yes!’ being a bad texter is a valid excuse. But Scottie Beam had the best answer that I want to share here:
“Texting is a method of communicating. It is not the end all be all, it is not a way to speak to people literally. It is just texting. It’s a method… the poor communicator is the one who has a problem with it and won’t speak up about it.”
This is around 51 minutes into the episode if you care to hear the full response.
I hadn’t thought about it this way. And though I do not fully agree with putting the responsibility back on my loved ones to communicate their distaste with the way I text, I do think it’s worth reminding oneself that texting back does not in fact make you a good communicator. It’s part of a bigger picture.
Let’s take away the guilt and remember that as we go into another week! We’ll get back to each other… eventually.
Texting Confession: Sometimes I don’t save the number of new people who text me because I’m afraid I’ll accidentally call them when I go to save the contact.
